’round about this time last year, I was some place where I’d rather never again be. It was tricky… it was tough. As a person, it has taken a lot of rebuilding over the last 14 months; it’s a matter of confidence I guess, more than anything else.

3-4 months ago, I began questioning my work, where I was going in life, how was career and life going to match up; it was just a whole bunch of confusion without any sense of direction. Perhaps those moments were a blip, a distraction of some sorts. I keep looking back and thinking, why did I seem to lose myself so easily?

On Friday, I kicked back a little over the last 10 minutes or so of the work day, just reviewing the happenings of the last 2 weeks – it has never been so intense. The last week in particular has also been a frustrating one with a certain colleague picking on a couple of us (a couple of others and myself) like a hungry bird pecking the ground for worms (I had no other analogy); it is the last thing which I (or anyone of us needed). It was unfortunate that our bosses have been away, and she (an experienced 50something I must add) is taking the opportunity to be “boss”.

My thought process was interrupted by another colleague with whom I have been working closely over these few days; this person was seen me grow up within the organisation and knows my pedigree from all angles. Just a simple sentence from her made my day and week… “It’s good to have you back”. We shared a smile, and I got going for the weekend, knowing well what she meant.

Confidence is such a crucial factor in the making of a person. It is amazing that when one is low on it, you try so hard and your best effort is often worth nada. Confidence is not something which appears overnight, you may get that impression at times but it really may just be the flick of the switch. Just like the day begins with the sun rising slowly, confidence builds up over a period of time. The crucial thing, if you do recognize it, is to ensure that it doesn’t spill over, and for you to build it up to it’s peak.

As we step into Ramadan this year, there are a number of incidents and events building up around me. Certain things have a sense of deja vu, others feel like amazing co-incidences. All in all, I know that this month brings along with it the spirit required to nurture thoughts, dreams and ambitions; the spiritual side constantly reminds us to stay focused and on the ground, yet it also invites us to grow and better ourself in every area of life.

I feel a second wave coming….

Ramadan Mubarak everyone!

According to the Free Dictionary, the definition is as follows:

hon·es·ty (n-st)n. pl. hon·es·ties

Honesty can be defined or viewed from a multitude of angles; not one of them will be 100% accurate (it’s a harsh truth). It’s very narcissistic (I think) to have an honest opinion of yourself; everyone likes to believe they are x, y or z, but the truth can only come from the mouths of those who observe you…. yet theirs is just an opinion too…

A fair few bloggers have posted 10 honest things about themselves; I have tagged myself via Americanising Desi. Have you watched the movie Reservoir Dogs (one of the best movies EVER btw!)? My 10 answers are the strangers which gang up to commit the perfect crime that is Me. Here goes:

1) Mr Reliable – This is a nickname which I picked up at uni, and also at the cricket club where I played for 3 years. Reliability is a tricky thing – there is no scale to measure it; how do you trust someone with a task, and know that it is in capable hands? How do you know that past experiences are a benchmark for future forays?

My reliability comes from 2 facts – When I say that I will take care of it…. it gets taken care of, as expected. Always. I also keep things simple and clear so that everyone can see and knows what is what. My past results and failings prove that in every instance I have been the best choice. My reliability is my greatest asset, and hence comes out at the top of the list.

2) Mr Take it Easy - Patience is something which has taken years to develop, yet even now, it is lacking in me. I am an observer. I look around me, I look at people, I look at events, I look at happenings. I watch events unfold, and I react accordingly. The art of patience is something which one learns and develops as they mature. My parents, and my mentors demonstrate their knowledge upon me, and I am quick to absorb what they spill around me. My belief is that patience is the greatest gift given to a humankind; use it and enjoy it wisely.

3) Mr A Lotta Words - Communication is one of my strengths. I can listen, and then respond to anyone on anything. I love being involved with intimidating and stubborn people because the challenge to drive home a point is even greater; the manipulation of words to the desired effect is a tool in the skill set of a good communicator. I like to keep things simple; I break things down for you, I will draw pictures for you, use my hands a lot (A LOT) to signify my point. The most important point of communication is listening – if you don’t listen, you cannot sensibly respond. I listen well, and respect someone else’s opinion. Without listening to a point of view, one cannot cover all bases – which ofcourse is violation of all sensible thinking.

4) Mr Respect – Respect for any person or anything is something which has been instilled in me as a child. I am lucky enough to have had good parents, family, friends and teachers around me to make sure that my feet stay on the ground. Experiences have taught me that no matter how annoyed or angry you may be at a grown up, you should always respect the fact that they are an adult; you can restrict your talk to just a greeting, but greet them with the respect that you would command for yourself.

I have realised that little people deserve a lot of respect too! Those younger than us look towards us as role models, and our behavior towards them will dictate (to a certain extent) their behavior when they are in our shoes. Each person is unique, and each person deserves their own respect… but the respect must be at par or greater than the minimum that you would expect for yourself.

5) Mr Connoisseur – Over the last 27 years, I have learned to appreciate the finer things in life. There are 4 distinct individuals with whom I can be open with on almost everything. They probably don’t know this themselves, but their value and existence in my life means a great deal to me. I call these 4 people my friends; I know two of them will be reading this. I appreciate the roof above my head and the food on my plate; I have spent time where these basic necessities are a luxury for people – I am thankful for these blessings.

I am a great believer in “I came here with no possessions, and I will depart in the same way” – hence I live a minimalist lifestyle, owning only the essentials. However, I take care to enjoy and own the essentials in the right way too. Enjoying the finer points in life is largely down to fully enjoying what you already have as opposed to what you COULD have.

6) Mr Competitive aka Gen. Stubborn – My competitiveness, drive to win, wanting to never give up – my stubbornness in both a  positive and negative form comes from my mom’s side of the family. I grew up in an environment of excellence in education and sport; in both areas, it was the fittest who survived and the weak dissolved into the background. Right through the ages I have been driven to achieve, with varying results I must admit, but I have pushed hard nonetheless. Sometimes, in the heat of competition, I forget that there is an edge to the cliff, and I go falling down like Wile E. Coyote.

In competition, you will face defeat, and acceptance of defeat with grace is a requirement for a true competitor… although it is probably a violation at many levels of the code of conduct of stubbornness. Defeat intensifies the hunger to win, and ofcourse – in the words of the king – Eric Cantona – “You play to fight the idea of losing!”

7) Mr Smile’n a Laugh – I was given the most amazing and surprising compliment last week while on a lunchtime walk with a colleague; we were talking about how each one of us deals with difficulties at work, and I supposedly deal with everything with a smile and a laugh. I never thought others would notice, but it actually is pretty damn true!

Life has dealt me with a lot of lemons; I stopped counting the number of times that I have dusted myself while standing up again after a fall – at the end of it all, one could either sulk and mope at the misfortunes, or pick out the lessons to be learnt, smile at the past and move on. Laughter is a permanent fixture with me, and I try and surround myself with the people who smile, grin and laugh with me, and people on whose faces I can bring a smile to.

Life is a dark alleyway; show it your smile, and its warmth and brightness will show you the way.

8 ) Mr Perfection - It would be dishonest of me to highlight qualities that only show the positive side to me. Here’s a newsflash – I AM Arrogant. Period. I am very subtle about how I portray my arrogance, and I mix this trait like carbon monoxide in the open air. My arrogance is driven by my pride in who I am, what I do and the ideals that I represent. This playground called life is a tough place, and moving ahead requires looking  after number one. Too humble, and you will get sucked into a black hole, never to return.

9) Mr Non Conforming Non-Conformist – Everyone is a non-conformist – how? Well, everyone is unique; but my style and ways are above the rest. I always stand out on my own but not on purpose; you can be my mentor, but I will lead from the front – follow me if you like. Maybe I don’t meet the expectations of those around me, my mannerisms don’t match my personality; my decisions are always made by me, based on my thoughts. I am who I am and I do what I do; does that make me a non-conformist….. or does that make me… me?

10) Mr Smooth Criminal – I live life with a passion which I love to share. I am a people person, and connect with almost anyone; I am easy to trust. If a friend sits in front of me, and talks, bitches and moans to me all day – I will sit and listen, and give my opinion – I have plenty of it, and I am always fair. The respect which I gain from anyone is in proportion to what I give them, and I am always grateful of that; these are all small things, but the little specs of paint make a bigger picture. I will fight for you, and I will fight alongside you, I will share this life with you with a hundred smiles and a thousand laughs. I strive for an imperfect perfection in the place where nobody goes hunting; this is a testament to who I am. But there is just one thing more.

I am a heart breaker. I will make you spill those tears…. but of the good kind. Gals, beware… guys, i’ll get you too! I can’t help it if I love you all so much… but love you all, I do.

I love life bloggers – people who take life into perspective, look at areas of improvements within themself, bring about those changes, and then spread the word to others so that they can benefit from their wisdom too. One such blogger is JamieVaron from Intersected, and this blog post of hers is just too brilliant to let pass.

Do check it out, and comment on the original post [found here].

This are how Jamie said it…

1. Age is absolutely the worst predictor of someone’s maturity, intelligence, or general ability to operate with any sort of common sense. Related: At any given moment, most men are 20, 30, 45, 68 going on 13.

2. Love doesn’t happen when you’re not looking for it. This is a made up, fairy tale, bullshit, passive-aggressive way to view love. When love happens when you’re not looking for it or ready for it, it’s called divorce down the road, so yeah, watch out for that.

3. When you’re happy, people want you to be unhappy. When you’re unhappy, people want to cheer you up (but are probably secretly happy they are happier than you). The only way to actually be happy is to stop using anything external to determine your well-being.

4. Any time you get really nervous about doing something and want to crawl in a hole to hide, then that’s, 9 times out of 10, the thing you need to do (the scary thing, not crawl into a hole and hide). Unless you’re nervous about jumping off a cliff, then, dude, use your discretion.

5. Whatever you believe you are, you are.

6. Whatever you think you deserve, you’ll get.

7. If you learn something necessary. If you grow in the process. If you go on to make something better, more efficient, or useful. Then, you did not fail.

8. Most of the stuff you think you’ll use or want later will either end up in the trash or hauled around through every move. Your physical and mental being will thank you for letting go of all the baggage. Plus, moving sucks, why carry around all that crap?

9. As a general rule, people who do not completely lose themselves in music are not to be trusted.

10. Most of the things people say that are general rules are actually wrong. We’ve just never taken the time to challenge them.

11. The quicker all the “shoulds” get out of your head, the better off you’ll be. Related: The reason most people are unhappy? Terrible expectation management. Actively pursue the meaning of your expectations, question their legitimacy, wonder why you have them, throw them out if superfluous, and move on. Quickly.

12. If humor is not the number one thing you look for in the opposite sex, then reevaluate. The only thing that will keep a relationship together (and healthy) is being able to laugh at yourself and each other. It’s not always going to be lollipops, all day sex romps, and unicorns.

13. There’s really never a reason to lie. If your thoughts, motives, and actions are pure, then you’ll never have a reason for dishonesty. Ever.

14. Transparency on the internet isn’t about using a tactic, it’s about forcing yourself to live a life with nothing to hide (and to have a company without so many skeletons in your closet, you’ll go under if you get exposed).

15. Loving yourself is, hands down, the only way to universal compassion. When you love yourself, you can’t help but be loving towards others. If you are critical of yourself, you will be critical of others. This is a simple equation.

I picked up this brilliant post on Wired, and wanted to see what level of geekdom my readers can achieve!

For the record – I can relate to 30 /100 (I am still a nerd…. I am NOT a geek!)….although check out #95 in the original post (#27  on my list)… and then check out the pic…

1. Properly secure a wireless router.
2. Leech Wifi from your neighbor.
3. Work from home or a coffee shop as effectively as you do at the office.
4. Understand what “There’s no Place Like 127.0.0.1” means.
5. Identify all computer components on sight.
6. Troubleshoot any computer/gadget problem, over the phone.
7. Install a Linux distribution. (Hint: Ubuntu 9.04 is easier than installing Windows)
8. Remove a virus from a computer.
9. Dual (or more) boot a computer.
10. Boot a computer off a thumb drive.
11. Boot a computer off a network drive.
12. Protect your privacy when using a public computer.
13. Buy a domain, configure bind, apache, MySQL, php, and WordPress without Googling a how-to.
14. Basic *nix command shell knowledge with the ability to edit and save a file with vi.
15. Google obscure facts in under 3 searches. Bonus point if you can use I Feel Lucky.
16. Build amazing structures with LEGO and invent a compelling back story for the creation.
17. Understand that it is LEGO, not Lego, Legos, or Lego’s.
18. Build a two story house out of LEGO, in monochrome, with a balcony.
19. Fix anything with duct tape, chewing gum and wire.
20. Know the difference between skills and traits.
21. Be able to calculate tip and split the check, all in your head.
22. Explain that the colours in a rainbow are roygbiv.
23. Understand the electromagnetic spectrum – xray, uv, visible, infrared, microwave, radio.
24. The meaning of technical acronyms.
25. Understand the difference between a comic book and a graphic novel.
26. Know where your towel is and why it is important.
27. Sleep with a Cricket bat next to your bed.
28. Identify evil alternate universe versions of friends, family, co-workers or self.
29. Be able to convince TSA that the electronic parts you are carrying are really not a threat to passengers.
30. Talk about things that aren’t tech related.

In the corner of the room, next to my bed, sit my 2 cricket bats… they’re always there, and are my sporting pride and joy. Yes… no trophies for me because I have never been part of a tournament winning team – rather, the tools that win trophies.

How much of a geek are you?

Following my post on Aiysha [what? you havent read it? Please do!], a couple of my tweeties asked me to do similar posts on other twitter folk. I’m a bit 50-50 on that… but if you think I can guage you well as a person, then leave me a comment, and I will surprise you with my thoughts!

In the meantime, can I introduce you to an excellent excellent person who I have come across on twitter; I intro’d her on the Aiysha post, but a more formal hello to Humera.

I connected with Humera when she was out in KSA* (now back in the States). One thing which strikes me over the span of 140 characters is the composure and sensibility which she seems to have – it is a very impressive quality! I do really hope that the 140character persona spills into reality as well!

Humera is participating in NaBloPoMo this month [check out her blog], with an aim to get back to regular blogging. Her views, opinions and advice over 140 characters is always fantastic, and as a premise to this propostion is that a bunch of us tweeties will participate in our own NaCoPoMo [i.e. we will comment on posts everyday!].

I love the big sister figure which Humera seems to be (can we call you Baji? ), and it would be awesome if you guys would join in and participate in reading and commenting on her words.

* Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

I picked this up from Seth Godin’s blog; they say that one should practice what they preach…. I’m glad that this is something which I definitely do… do you?

For a change I have more words to put down, and fewer ideas to play with; so when I sent out a call to my Twitter folk to throw me a line, and give me a subject to blog about, an interesting character popped up and said “ME!”.

No really -- she said “write about me!“…

Since I don’t know how to say no, I ofcourse said -- “It’s on!”

Aiysha and I connected on Twitter a few months ago via two awesome Middle East tweeties (Humera and Dotty); infact, our subject of connection was mainly long distance running. Aiysha is a resident of… umm…. well, with the amount of traveling she does, a global resident really, but originally from The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. While she hung out in Kuwait city, I was influenced by her tweets on her daily 15k run in the crazy heat and dusty surroundings; as a result, I began my attempts at running 5k (for a start) -- and boy was it a great idea!

Now, hailing from a conservative country, Aiysha seems to be very liberal and outspoken. I have never met her personally, however browsing through the love child which she has produced with AgentWhiskers , they have some interesting views of society in KSA. Ofcourse, their views are their own, and not of a grander society. Or are they?

One of the most interesting things about Aiysha is that she is a technology freak! Some would go to the extent of calling her as a geek. The woman is also a compulsive online shopper…. she buys EVERYTHING online -- like EVERYTHING! Dude -- even I go to the shops to buy stuff! She is married to her iPhone… infact, the iPhone survived a drowning in the pool, and also goes with her during her 15k wanders -- now that’s what you call love! This is what she caught a few days ago while out on a run.

Ofcourse Aiysha, Geeks are so 2008, and Nerds are the way to go as we move into the new decade. Seriously, switch over to a crackberry already!

You cannot talk about Aiysha, and not mention deserts… or food for that instance. Since I promised you cake in the post… I shall deliver you cake! I get my desert ideas from ADigitalNomad, and she baked this a couple of days ago -- it looks OZUM!

You have to admire anyone who believes in keeping healthy, and working out so that they can enjoy every type of food; although I haven’t baked it (as yet)… this one goes out to you!

As little as I know about you, you seem to have the right sort of energy to live life in the best way possible! I’ll leave you with this track from Outlandish -- it’s a song which I very much like, and has your name written all over it…. enjoy!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8krO7Q3vSys

What’dya say we end this long hard week with post number 250 and some beautiful beautiful music.

This goes out to a special friend who is looking for life to stand up with her, step away from nostalgia and mediocrity, towards a direction which brings back THE real challenge of life…

For those of you who appreciate music, I hope you do enjoy these tracks. For those who don’t, well -- listen to the words…

Both tracks are courtesey of Playing for Change, track 1 is titled “A Change is Going to Come” which features Clarence Bekker and Grandpa Elliott, and they have played some AWESOME old school RnB/Soul. Listen to the words on this -- they make your hairs stand!

Track 2 is a cover of Bob Marley’s “War/No more trouble” which features Bono alongside collaborations from artists from around the globe (check ‘em out). Listen to the strings cry in this track -- you get a flavour of different cultures -- just TOO beautiful if you appreciate intricacies of sound!

Enjoy the next eleven and a half minutes as we look forward to the new week…

www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvayzIktTJ4

www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgWFxFg7-GU

(got a story for you guys)

I was running towards the bridge; I left home early, and gave myself enough time to get here; damn trains HAD to break down today…

I made the call – “Hi… sorry, I am running a touch late. I’ll be there in like 15 minutes”.

I got to where I thought the office was…. I didn’t know my bearings – the last thing I needed was to search for where I needed to be right now. DAMNIT!

20 minutes later than advertised, I arrived for my interview. Great start to a Monday, ha? A lady walks into the conference room – her name is J; she doesn’t look pleased. Yikes! We begin talking casually at first, and then about the role. An hour later, it sounds like all is going  ok. Just when I think it’s over, and time for me to leave, she decides that one of the Directors should speak to me….

Ok… I wasn’t prepared for THAT!

A, the director walks in to the conference room.

The next hour can only be described as a Gestapo-esq grilling. I had attended interviews with the big 4, and many blue chip companies, and I don’t think I have ever faced an interview like this. When I walked out about two and a half hours later, I felt physically drained… an interview has NEVER been this hard.

My next stop was to the five-a-side pitches; I was playing a match for my current employers, and was the shot stopper. GREAT – I have to take more blows to the body. Turns out, the opposition had so many shot that I had to lie down for fifteen minutes in the changing rooms before I headed to work.

So, when I checked my phone on my way back and saw a missed call from the place where I just interviewed, my legs almost went. Could they have written me off already? How can they make a decision within a couple of hours? I decided to wait. When I called later that afternoon, I was quite surprised that they wanted to meet me again; I arranged that to happen later that week.

When I walked into the offices for a second time that week, I decided to sit exactly opposite to where I did earlier in the week. J walked in again and we had a brief conversation, before she wanted me to meet another director P. P was a fascinating character, and we spent an hour talking about everything except work or the role; in fact, we spoke about cricket, rugby, finance, religion, travel, food, and university life. P’s exit was followed by A’s entrance. Not again, I thought to myself.

Guess what… another grilling.

Only – it lasted 15 minutes this time. And then she said the magical words – “it’s all yours if you are interested”.

Now – I was delighted, sure… but I was damn intrigued… after how Monday went, what happened? Why did they poke me from every angle to make a decision? I did ask these questions a few months into the job (which is my current job), and J told me that sure I had made a bad start, but I interviewed ok with her; but I really won it with A and P. My conversations with both of them turned things around. I didn’t have enough experience for the role, but I had certain attributes which were strong enough, and they wanted to give me a chance.

You have no idea how this can spur anyone to perform even better – trust me!

6 months into the job, P pulled me to a side one day and asked me if I wanted a challenge… I am quite naive… I don’t know the word no. He threw me an opportunity which has resulted in where I am now. The next opportunity thrown by P was to help in the preparation for a multi-million pound contract (which we won), and that experience was amazing, and the hard work was so satisfying. P put me forward to lead our regional offices if that project goes ahead, P recommended my promotions (3 in 2 years), P threw me two other challenges to resolve and bring 2 major clients back on track, and perform my life out I did. What he has thrown at me, I have so far hit it out of the park.

P recommended me for the Zurich project; my toughest challenge yet. I know one thing clearly – I have the greatest of respect for A and P, and I know from the time spent with them in Zurich that they trust my ability and decisions; one couldn’t ask for more from your peers, but also from your bosses – it is the catalyst for you to perform.

On Friday, I was in the same conference room where my interview took place over 2 years ago, and I was discussing the Zurich project with another colleague; P walked in to ask a couple of questions, and I always try to humour him – that’s how well our relationship stands. He then uncharacteristically took a seat. P is a guy always on a move. He doesn’t sit in meetings… he is always hoping and jumping about. He then told us something which left us stunned.

I wrote about how I felt when one of my career mentors was made redundant last week; words cannot describe how I felt when he told us that he is the second out of two people being made redundant. The three of us sat there in silence for a couple of moments before someone said something (I cant remember who said what – I was still in shock).

We work in a corporate environment, and no person is bigger the company – director or otherwise, but to me this person is a mentor too. This is a person who has helped chalk a vague but solid line towards a career which can go upwards. This is a guy who gave me opportunities, and called my name when we faced a challenging client. This is the first guy who patted my back when I successfully completed my first challenge, and he is the guy who screamed at me when I didn’t have my priorities ordered correctly.

I think I now understand why I get along so easily with anyone older than me – I look to learn from them. P was a teacher without standing up to the board; he was a role model.

This week has now dealt me with an 0-2… and it is just too much for one week… just too much.

Such is life…. again.

Dear July 23rd MMIX,

How are you? Yes, I am being polite; I did share and enjoy your company today to know how you are.

I wanted to write this letter of appreciation to you – to thank you for the amazing moments which I experienced with you today; It’s been a while since I wrote a letter, so forgive me if I address you informally.

Today I saw something which I haven’t seen in a while… I saw smiles and tears over events small, yet monumental.

On Wednesday night, I stumbled upon the video of  Jill and Kevin’s big day. My first reaction was to be struck in awe of what I saw. I HAD to share it with my friends, and their reaction of smiles and tears that evening was exactly I had expected from them.

When I shared the video with those around me at work today, I got the same reaction from a lot of them – tears and smiles. Let me tell you why the video touched me, affected me so immensely, far greater than I would expect it to.

First of all the setting – the simplicity of the church was beautiful. The music kicks in and the beauty of the whole event begins. Greater than the wedding ceremony, the music, the dances, greater than all of them was the beauty of friendship which is evident in the video. The strength of friendship between the bride and groom and their buddies is enviable. It takes a lot to participate and make an occasion so memorable, but the enthusiasm of everyone was so infectious. Sure, there were no MJs out there, but the uniqueness of each person and their contribution was touching, and made the ceremony… or atleast the entrance, very very memorable.

Jill and Kevin, you guys and you’re friends are pure awesomeness! Thank you so much for bringing that moment of happiness in our lives. We all hope and pray for you both to have an amazing life ahead of you!

23rd July, With every moment of happiness that you brought me today, you showed me a moment to feel low too. When one of my closest colleagues came and began idling around me…. I knew something was not right… after some coaxing, he opened up and shocked me that he was made redundant. 23rd July, you got the surprise which you didn’t see coming. The tear which left my eye was of pain. A friend is a friend, and you feel pain and hurt when they ‘break’ away from you, but when a motivator moves away – the pain is different; dull, full of shock, and harsh.

As high as the morning could get, the afternoon couldn’t get any lower. It really couldn’t.

As I rode the bumps and jolts on the train home, my mind drifted to one thing – the words of my new adopted soundtrack to life. As I listened to it on loop, as I had done at every opportunity at work, I thought back to the moments in the day. Happiness, sadness, disappointment, excitement, elation, deflation, appreciation – I felt all these. I saw the magic of friends somewhere far away, and I felt their effects in those around me. In disappointments and elation, I saw the magic of friendship, and felt a step closer to each one with whom I shared today.

In every moment today, I experienced an emotion…. it was either tear or smile.

Such is life.

With all my love, thanks and greatest of appreciation…..

Cookie Monster