When I look back at what I was like during primary school, I realise that now, five years later, I am completely different. I’m not exactly sure how it happened (but I’m sure those crazy women I call my friends had something to do with it ) but it happened and I don’t really regret it. I’ve become a better me since primary-I have a better understanding of things, I’m more outgoing, a little crazier (just a little ) and much more friendlier (or so I like to think).

But what’s gonna happen when I move to college? When I leave the safe haven I call my high school and my second (actually, third) home. Will my experiences in college change me? Will the people I hang around me influence me? It’s nuts to think they won’t, I know they will-but just how much? At the end of my two (I’m thinking very long and very difficult) years at college, will I be a completely different person than I am now? Will I regret changing? Or will I be glad I’ve changed and thank God I’ve become a better person-wait, will I even become a better person? Gasp! What if I become worse? Dear Gott in Himmel, I need to think about this some more.

Anyway, I don’t wanna change. I like being me! It’s crazy but it’s nice! I don’t wanna turn into one of those stupid women who fall over themselves to please a guy (yuck) and walk around in skirts so short that you can tell they’re not wearing anything underneath (blee!). That is SOOOOOO not me. For Pete’s sake (whoever the heck Pete is) I’m the girl who cried herself to sleep when a guy asked her if he could add her on MSN! I run into the other room when there’s a knock on the door because I’m not covered properly even though it’s only my aunty! (Which is a bit mad, but whatever!)

I’m a Muslimah.

I don’t wanna become one of those girls who are Muslims on the outside and so not on the inside. The ones who wear the hijab in front of their families and as soon as they’re out of their sight they strip down to clothes so tight they look like they’ve been sewn on.

Good grief.

I hope to God I don’t change-unless it’s to become a better person, of course. I have to refuse to let my environment and the people around me to lower me in my own eyes. I have to STICK to what I believe in.

When I was  child

I saw in black and white

Everything was obvious

Either wrong or right.

No arguments, no pros and cons

Choices were precise.

Pure and joyous clarity gave me a simple life.

So I grew and learned to face the world

Living life that way.

And now I feel so unprepared

‘Cause black and white turned gray.

My unfaltering vision failed

Focus left my eyes.

When choices were once obvious

I can’t tell wrong from right.

Because today I am a teenager

And nothing’s quite so clear.

I’m seeing through an adult’s eyes

A child’s biggest fear.

Constance Ananta Sobsey
Taken from Chicken soup for the teenage soul 2
Page 23

Love, Falak

Hi, name is Falak and I blog over at Starry Eyed Book Lovers